Stress 'Less' in the Holidays

Last Updated 11/6/2024 • Posted in Southern Holiday, Christmas

(Note, not Stressless!)

I received a group text (in early September this year) from the sisters asking about our holiday plans. My first thought of course was, “It’s SEPTEMBER.” I get it though, we have to start talking about these things early so that we can figure out who is hosting what with whom and where (and sometimes WHY??!).

If your family resembles anything like our fractured family tree— the holidays can be a bit much. The questions pour in:

–Who is hosting which holiday?

–If they host, should we invite __________?

–What side of the family is coming?

–Is so-and-so bringing the new boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

–What is the menu this year? Is there a theme?

–What should the dress be? (I’m just inserting this because I once got pretty upset because someone wore a BALLCAP to my EASTER TABLE....I digress)

I’m stressed out just reading these questions.

Ugh.

I'm pretty sure that the origin story of the holidays we so love has nothing to do with that sick feeling that can come with all the issues I just laid out above. I’m pretty sure the whole WHY of the holidays is gratitude, love, and hope.

So what do we do with the vision and ideals of the holiday as they butt up against the reality of the holidays?

Here are the Twelve pro-tips on how to have less stress during the holidays:

1. Breathe. Reflect. Repeat.

2. Set your Why. If you can’t find a good “Why” - why you are going, why you are hosting, why you celebrate these holidays, it might be a good practice to start some boundaries. If you cannot envision the why of your celebration and if it looks or sounds like, “because they will be mad if I don’t,” then strongly consider not going. This may seem like a pearl clutching moment (as Kelly our editor says) then see the first part - breathe. Reflect. Boundary practicing is one of the most liberating and healthy things you can do for yourself and your family as an adult. Try it! You might just love it!

3. Now that you know your Why - Start Early. With all of it. Host, invites, menu. If you are hosting and love to set the table, start the table setting a few days in advance. Then you can really enjoy the process. Once the menu is set, start collecting recipes and ingredients weeks in advance. If you get to bake something or many things, do like my wise gramma used to do - bake a month early and freeze it. That's genius, really!

4. For not so fun family dynamics - change up the table vibe. Bring questions that everyone has to answer, out loud or on paper. Every year for Thanksgiving, I have leaves cutout and sharpies around the table. To eat at my table you have to name what you are thankful for and put it on the leaf, to be displayed each year on the hand drawn tree on canvas that we hang up. For Christmas, consider a hope exercise at the table. “If hope came to live amongst us for Christmas, what does hope look like for you?” Yes, these are deep, reflective questions that can be jarring at first to those who are not accustomed to such, but believe me, it’ll change the entire course of your meal (pun intended!).

5. Set the “rules” of engagement for your gathering from the beginning, as early as the invitation if needed. Something like, “Here we don’t talk about politics, football, family members who aren’t present...” etc. Anything that really gets your family on the defense is worth mentioning before it happens. (Think back on past family holiday disasters and pull from there, it probably isn't too hard!)

6. Play music in the background (and turn the TV off). This goes for baking, cooking and even the meal. It sets the tone for your expectations at the meal - This is a special gathering and even an enjoyable one.

7. Have games outside. Cornhole, horseshoes, bocci... all of these things out in the yard give idle hands something to do. Chalk in the driveway for little hands. Bubbles in a basket for other littles. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Giving people something to do can keep those frustrating conversations at a minimum.

8. Put the animals away. Trust me. If you are hosting, no one wants your precious fur baby on or near the table they are eating on. And if you must bring your dog child with you(we all have that relative), have a crate or some place for them to go away from the table during the meal.

9. Savor the time. Hear me out. Do not plan or schedule two holiday gatherings in one day. Nothing is worse than running running running to the next gathering after stuffing yourself at one meal. This is the MOST stressful thing we do to ourselves during the holidays. This time of year can be magical. Take your time, slow it down, savor it.

10. Fresh air. My go-to way to stress less at the family holidays is to WALK OUTSIDE and get some air. My whole family does this. Break away whenever you need to. Most likely people will follow you outside and you can play some of those outdoor games. Laughter is the best medicine for holiday gatherings.

11. Do less this year. Consider a traveling experience instead of physical gifts this year. Far or near. Do the nieces and nephews and grandkids and kids really need ONE MORE THING? Why not give everyone an experience they will remember? Creating memories is the best gift. Who can you talk to in the family to make a decision to simplify? Once my sisters and I decided that we weren’t getting gifts for each other or our kids, it lifted a huge weight for all of us. Our gift is to get together and play and laugh.

12.Lastly, take some time for yourself – before and after each gathering. Take time for you. What do you love to do? And who do you love to do it with? I love to bake in my kitchen by myself with red wine and music for days leading up to the big days. If we have too much I give it away afterwards or freeze it. After the holidays I get together with my sisters so that we can debrief the craziness. Just the three of us. Now that’s a stress LESS gathering that I love!

Cheers!
By: Angie Stryker